Will Hate Crimes Legislation Legalize Sex With Ducks?

Yes, that's the threat, according to 700 Club Televangelist Pat Robertson:

"Ladies and gentlemen, think of this. You've met someone who's really weird, and his sexual orientation is to like to have sex with ducks. Is he protected under this hate crimes legislation?"

What a question: it's explosive in its potential! Could it be true? Or is Pat Robertson a quack? Well, let's look at the legislation in question, H.R. 1913. Let's look at the bill's full text.

Search with me. Hmm. Searching, searching, searching. Hmmmmm...

Nope. No references to ducks in H.R. 1913. No references to geese, or game hens, or wild turkeys, or terns, or puffins, or waterfowl of any kind.

Now, there are certainly serious constitutional problems with hate crimes laws. Hate crimes laws are unnecessary because the acts punished under hate crimes laws -- assault, kidnapping, murder -- are already illegal. It's messy because hate and intent are not visible. It's adding on punishment for a variety of thought, saying that one sort of killing is worse than another -- and therefore saying in the converse that one sort of killing is better than another. It is as if killing someone for money, or because you dinged their car in a fender bender, or just randomly, is not so bad.

But legalizing sex with ducks? No, there is nothing of the kind in this legislation. There's clearly no such allowance in the law.

This sort of odd-bird reference on national television can only mean one thing: Pat Robertson has been taking money on the down low from the influential Mallard lobby.